I think I just lost a good friend because of this.

Okay I’m just gonna make this short. Here’s the story of my dream on my birthday. It might come true. It might not. But seeing as I just ruined the chances of it happening, I guess it’s going to remain just that. A dream.

I only told this story to two people. Two of my friends. One is an old friend whom I’ve told most of my stories. Be it true stories or just stories that I made up. And the other…

I don’t know anymore. I just hope we’re still friends. We just began to be friends this year. And we were getting pretty close. Or I wouldn’t have shared this story. I just hope things between us doesn’t get too weird to the point of us not speaking again. Just because of this story. I want things to go back to the way it used to be.  This was just a dream. It doesn’t mean anything. I hope you know that.

That is, of course, if you’re reading this anyway. If not, then…
I guess it’s been swell to know you after all this time.

I only told those two. But be aware that that story was not the full version. I only told you two a part of the story. And the way it progresses. The actual story is… slightly different.

So the story. The dream story. Sorry if I was a little late in posting this. I wanted to put this up before but something came up. Anyway here’s the true full version of it. This is the first time I wrote a story in about two years. So be nice.

Grab a comfy chair, take a cupcake and read on.

                                                                                       

It was late in the afternoon. Maybe about an hour before the sun would set. That was what we’ve been waiting for all this time.

It was just after the big exam. Gone like the wind were the stress and frustration. Everything that relates to school, books and exam papers were soon forgotten.

We, my friends and I, decided to make a gathering so we could all enjoy the freedom together. Or at least tried to make one. It was one of those last minute type of parties. We sent messages through SMS, emails, instant messages and even on Facebook.

The rules were simple.
We would have the gathering at the beach so casual wear were to be expected.
So no fuss on what to wear. Come in ragged clothes for all we care. 
Everyone have to bring food and drinks. No food/drinks, don’t even bother coming.
The last and most important rule, we were to have some serious fun.

Simple enough, right?

Invitations were sent to everyone. And everyone came.
Everyone was there. Ex-PAPians, ex-PJNers, SMSAkies and even the scholarshippers came. Everyone who knew everyone was there. No one was left out. We were finally free. We were finally together. We were finally one.

And it was fun.

Everyone was chatting. Everyone was laughing. Everyone was playing.
Everyone was having fun without a care in the world. It was still a wonder just a few weeks before that, we were having our exams. Exams that would truly decide our fates from then on. Looking at this scene before me, it almost felt like watching...

It felt like watching a group of children playing.

I don’t know how. I don’t know why. But then everyone started to move towards the water. Some were running. Some were walking. But everyone was moving nonetheless.

Except me.

I decided to stay behind. I guess I just wanted some peace and quiet. So I picked a nice piece of log on the beach and sat down, facing the endless sea and my friends playing.

It was nice.

I looked up to the sky and basked in the warm light. The cool feeling of the wind blowing past me, filling the scene. Lost in the sounds of the crashing waves and the laughter of stress-free friends.

At first it was like a big group but as my friends move closer to the water, they began to move apart. Some in groups of twos. Others in groups of fours or fives. Little by little, everyone was by themselves again. Laughing and playing in the water.

It was as if everything was perfect. Well, almost perfect anyway.

Why almost, you ask?

Because even with all the fun and games, even with all the laughter and joy, I still felt something different. Yes, I was happy. And yet, I felt sad.

Maybe because I was alone. Maybe seeing all my friends having fun without me, left me all by myself. Maybe it was because of this, I felt sad?

Or maybe, just maybe, it was because of something else.

I sat there. All alone and sad. And yet happy and relieved, watching my friends having fun, splashing about in the water, having the time in their life, together.

I sat there. Busy with my own thoughts. Thinking about how much fun my friends were having. And I was thinking about my life. What it represented. What it means to this people I called my friends. What I’ve been doing with it up till that moment in time.

Have I been doing the right thing all this time?
Is this the life that I’m supposed to live?
Is this what I want?

I kept thinking about these questions in my head. Over and over again. And to each of these questions, I could only come up with one answer.

I am not sure.

It wasn’t because the questions were hard or difficult to understand. In fact, they were easy. Too easy to get them wrong. I guess I haven’t reach that time in my life when I could just simply give an answer to those age old questions.

As I sat there, I felt a presence. It wasn’t like a ghost or anything bad. But somehow I felt someone standing me. Looking at me. Next thing I knew, my ears were being pulled.

“Hehe. Sorry man. I had to snap you out of that trance. You looked like so serious there. C'mon. You should be having fun. It’s because of you we finally got the chance to meet today. Now smile, man!”

It was someone I knew. A close friend maybe. But I wasn’t sure. I didn’t quite look at who it was. That person sat down next to me. Looking at our friends and smiling at them. I just continued to sit there quietly, on that log. And as if by an unseen force, I began to smile.

“There you go. Hehe. Man, you seriously should stop being so tense and emo. Relax. It’s nice day to have some fun. Anyway why are you here and not there?”

That person pointed towards the sea and the scene where my friends were obviously having fun. I said that I just wanted some peace and quiet. That I wanted to think. I wonder why I didn’t say the real reason I was sitting there. And then I asked the same question back. I asked for a reason why was that person sitting there, instead of playing with our friends.

“Well, I saw you here all alone, with your usual serious expression. And I thought you could use some company. But if you don’t want me here, then I guess I could just go…”

Before that person could leave, I quickly grabbed that person’s arm and pulled it back down.

“Hahaha ouch. Break off my arm, why don’t you? Hehe. Anyway, I could use some peace and quiet too. I think I had too much to drink there.”

That person suddenly grabbed hold of my shoulder, bracing as if disoriented. But the smile and soft laughter, made the ‘act’ funny than being serious.

“And besides… I wanted to be with you.”

Hearing that, the part of me that felt sad up to that point, just faded away.

                                                                                       

Hahaha I think that’s enough for now. I’ll continue the story another time. It was getting a little too long anyway. Don’t wanna bore you guys, now do I? Xp

Anyway I hope you like reading it until the end of this post. Coz I really do like writing it. Makes me want to write more. Lol Xp

So I guess this is the end for now. Look out for part two, okay guys? See you next time. Xp

Labels: dream, friends, sorry, true

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I hate this. I just wrote an uber long post about my birthday. And even wrote a story here.
And my laptop called it quits on me. It just freezed and restarted by itself. I mean, ‘what the…’

I didn’t even get to save what I just wrote. Dammit. Things like this seriously makes me want to take a rock and smash everything in front of me. Or take everything and smash it all on a rock. Whichever is more quicker. Sigh.

I’m in no mood to re-write everything from my lost post. I don’t even remember what I just wrote. So I’m just going to write things down as it comes to mind. I apologize if I seem to come off as rude in this post. It’s only because I’m tired and irritated. If it weren’t for the sudden ‘defense mechanism’ of my ‘hi-tech laptop’, I’d be in a much better mood.

Okay skipping the introduction and straight to the point. Presents. Didn’t get that much presents this year. Presents from my friends. Presents from my family. Not that many. But it doesn’t mean I’m not grateful.

In fact, I am. I am grateful for everything. I guess I just got my hopes up too high. I thought since it was my 18th birthday, I would get something special this year. But nope. Nothing special. Just the usual stuffs. Oh well. Better something than nothing. Right?

So starting from my friends’ presents.

Or should I say, my friend’s present. I think only one of my close friends gave me one. A big chocolate bar. Well, not that big. But it is big. You get the point.

Cadbury Daily Milk Black Forest. Yummy.

Of which, by the way, I haven’t even started eating yet. Well at least, at current time anyway. I’d probably finished eating it by the time you read this post. So yea… no chocolate for you. Wooo~ hahaha Xp

Anyway, thanks for that, Miji.
Thanks for giving me the chocolate. It means a lot. You’re my buddy.
As for the rest, where’s my present? *serious face*

Kidding. I understand. With all the hectic times and everything. Everyone’s busy fighting against the exam fever that’s going around this week. I’m busy too with my own revision. So yea I understand. But I am grateful for all the birthday greetings. You actually took time from your busy schedules and greeted me here, Facebook, MSN and even texted me on that day. Even those who were late in greeting me on my birthday, I am grateful for that. I couldn’t ask for better friends.

Well I could ask for better friends who would actually give me presents but I guess you have everything, right? Hahaha kidding. Sigh…

Okay so next up is presents from my family. Like I said earlier, not that much. Just the usual gifts. My parents gave me money for my birthday which I always look forward to every year. So I was pretty happy about that. Money which I already spent to buy stuffs. I love money by the way. If you didn’t know. My eyes will go ching-ching-kaching every time I see money. No lie. Xp

My sis bought me stuffs when she was in KL last time.

Stuffs like biscuits, cookies, etc. Basically all those yummy treats. I like yummy treats too. Besides than money. Especially Marks & Spencer biscuits. So next time you guys go to a Marks & Spencer, remember me okay? *nudges you*

She also bought me this nice perfume. I think it’s called ‘Jean-Paul Gaultier Le Male’.

Basically a perfume for males. Just in case you didn’t get it.
Anyway it’s nice. Nice bottle. Nice fragrance. Nice price too. So overall, it was a pretty nice gift.
I like perfumes by the way. And I like stripes. Stripes are hot. Hahaha Xp

Jean-Paul Gaultier ‘Le Male’

Okay what else… oh yea, along with the perfume and the cookies and the treats, she also gave me a really cool shirt and some pajamas. Yeah you read it right. Pajamas. Seriously. Don’t get me wrong. Pajamas are nice and comfy and soft to the skin (LOL Xp) but it’s just not for me.

When she gave them to me, I was like, ‘what the…’
And she was like, ‘Take it… now.’ , in an almost threatening way too.
Then I was like, ‘…okay.’

So yea… I wore it that night. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Nothing bad happened to me. No weird rashes. No unexplainable incidents. No nothing. I was okay. Go figure.

So here’s a pic of me wearing it. Don’t laugh. I suck when it comes to self-cam. Not to mention the overwhelming feeling of dorkiness washing over me. I mean when I was looking at myself with the mirror, my whole being screamed ‘dork’. I felt like a kid.

I mean the last time I wore PJs was when I was… seven years old? I usually go to bed in just a simple T-shirt and shorts. Or just shorts sometimes, when things get a little too hot to handle. Xp

But it’s okay. I like it. It’s stripey-ish. So it’s okay.

Anyway, I’m grateful to everyone for this special day. Even if I didn't get that many presents this year, I was happy. It’s not what people give you that is important, but the thoughts that went with it. So yea… for that, I thank you guys.

Umm. All happiness and gratitude aside, sadness still managed to creep that day. I’m sad that I couldn’t spend my 18th birthday with the people that truly matter to me. At least, not with everyone. Some of you might know what I’m talking about here. Sigh…

Okay that’s the end about the presents thing. Now on to the real ‘gift’ of that night. The dream.

I don’t believe in premonitions, visions or anything like that. You know how some people sometimes say that dreams are messages, visions, predictions or whatever about the future. I don’t believe in those kinda stuffs. It’s just stupid superstitions. If it actually happens, then it is just purely coincidence. Nothing supernatural. Just a normal thing. Dreams are just as real as déjà vu.

I know for a fact that this particular dream, no matter how real it felt at the time, is not going to happened. I know it’s going because it is truly impossible and insane and just plain weird. And I think I just crushed the chances of it actually happening because of last night.

Yeah something happened last night, and the chances of the dream actually fulfilling is zero. So yea… so much for this dream. Oh well. Doesn’t mean I can’t tell what it is about, right?

Anyway this post is getting a little too long. I’ll continue the dream story on my next post.
Right after this. So stay tuned. See you guys.

Labels: birthday, dream, me, presents

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Okay finally a text update. I’m really sorry for the long delay. Been a bit busy these days.
With all the exam fever going about, you know?
Anyway I’m here now and hopefully I can stay for awhile. Xp

Since it’s been awhile since I wrote anything here, this post is gonna be a little longer than usual.
So bear with me for now, okay?

Okay so I’ve been busy with school, life and other stuffs. School’s been hell. Like literally.
Exam fever in the air. It all began the beginning of this week.

On Monday.
The thirteen.
Of April.

Yeah… *kills myself*

Anyway. Coincidentally, on this ‘oh-so-wonderful’ day is…
Well, ‘was’ anyway…

It was also my birthday. On Monday, the 13th of April.
So yeah. My feelings on that day was a bit mixed.
From both happiness and sadness.
Happy because I’m still here and healthy. Happy because I still have my friends. 
Friends who wished me happy birthday that day. Even those who were late in greeting me.

Thanks for everything guys. The birthday greetings, the memories, everything. It means a lot.
I appreciate it. I really do. So yea thanks for that. I love you guys. Xp

As for the sad part… Well I’m sad I couldn’t spend my birthday with someone special this year. It’s lame but it’s true. I want to spend, at least, my birthday with someone special. Anyone who means a lot to me. I guess I’m just not that lucky this year. Better try next time, right?

But the most important reason I’m sad is because I couldn’t spend it with the people that truly matter to me. And that is my family. Not everyone was there to celebrate it with me.
Some of you would know who I’m talking about here.

Sigh. Anyway, the past is the past, right? There’s no need to dwell on something you can’t ever have again. Sometimes it’s just better to learn to let things go.

Anyway, I’m going to post something else after this. Like birthday presents and other stuffs. So wait for it soon, okay?

See you guys.

Labels: birthday, friends, me

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“Looking forward to the meal.”

        

“Watch out for the hammer of judgement.”

“Smile”

             

“Busy times…”

   

“Rocking out to the silent music”

   

I like this pic. “Photographer living the dream.”

   

Last of the best pics of that day. “The Rough Pages of My Story Book.”

Labels: friends, life, school

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The best two pictures on that day

Labels: debate, school, time

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