I can"t do it. I won"t do it. I don"t think I have the guts to write part two. I know I promise to post it but I don"t believed I can do it. I"m sure that you"re probably asking me why. The reason why that I"m so withdrawn from writing about it.

It"s just that . . . well . . . you could say that it"s something personal. Something that I should not advertise or talk openly about. Something I should not shared with someone else. Much less someone on the net. Even if you"re my friends. Especially because you"re my friends. I hope you guys understand. I wished I could. But I just can"t.

Not now. Maybe next time. When I"m ready. Whenever that time may be. IF that time ever come anyway. I know I"m not making any sense. And I know I promised that I would post part two but it"s just not right. It"s not right for me to write about.

The main reason why I"m so hesitant to write the damn post is because it deals with a broken heart}. Yes. I know. Again with the broken heart. I"m pretty certain all of you are getting tired of reading these kinds of stories. From me and/or someone else. I"m sorry. I can"t help it that it happens to me too. But I'm not going to talk about it. Much. So don"t worry. I"ll just mention a lil bit about what happened and I"ll stop. I"ll stop before I get too far. You have my word. I promise.

Sigh………I shouldn"t make promises that I won"t probably keep, right?
Double sigh………Oh why do I keep doing this to myself………?

Anyway, so……… where should I start………

Oh yeah, maybe I start from the beginning……….Wait. Then I would to have to tell you the ending. This, btw, would give away too much of the story.

¯
Man……… (Or woman, whoever is reading this) this is hard. Talking about this kind of things. Feelings. Relationships. Or lack of it. And love. The oh so lovely love. }L.O.V.E. fucking love} I hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. And yet, still I somehow, dare I say it……… "loved" the basic concept of the so-called love. Silly, isn"t it?

Ahhh………young love………young love is the air. No wonder the earth is getting warmer. Get it. Earth, warmer, global warming, pollution in the air, love in the air. Get it? Nevermind.

I don"t know why I waste my time trying to sound funny. I"m not funny, all right. I get it. Ha ha ha laugh at the not-so-funny fat guy. {insert sarcastic maniacal laugh{

Anyway, back to story……… so I"ll just try to talk about it. I don"t care anymore. I"ll just write from the heart from now. Okay? Ok then. Any minute now. Yup. It"s right at the tips of my fingers of my hands of my arms of my body. (Quit stalling DJim. Your readers are waiting!)

Ok so……… Dramatic drum roll plz. Dum Dum Dum……… Dum. Yeah I don"t know how to do a drum roll SFX. That"s the best I can do.

Anyway, till next time. Bye!

Hahaha alright alright alright. Don"t be mad. Just joking. Jeez what does a guy have to do to make joke around here?

Anyway, enough with the stalling. On to serious stuffs. Okay.

So, it"s been about two months, I think. Give or take. Since… you know… Since that time… Since I gwot wy widdle heart tworn into widdle twiny pieces…

Hwey twat sounds kwinda cute… Cough cough… I"m mean, hey that sounds kinda cute right? It"s like how Tweety likes to talk. I always thought it was a cool… can I say it"s an accent? …thought it was a cool accent. It sounds so innocent and all. Seems like you can get away with anything with just using the Tweety speaking style with a drooping puppy-eyed look. Almost anything anyway. Thinking back, I wonder who the voice actor for Tweety was. Well, that"s another thing going into my long to-do list.

I really need to stop writing down random stuffs on my list. I cross one out, five new ones fill the gap. If I keep on putting things in it, I could probably publish a goddamn book of useless things to do. I would title it "The Top 100 Useless Things Before You Die". Pretty nice title right? Lame joke I know…

Anyway, where was I? Yeah umm… I"m really really really sorry that I"m taking such a long time to say what I was supposed to say at the beginning of the story. You see how much I don"t want to write anything. That I"m just wasting my time, and yours, writing all this nonsense. And for that I truly am sorry. I think I know what you are thinking right now.

{why am I writing this in the first place?{

{why am I complaining about it if I don"t want to write?{

{why am I still writing?{

{why why why?{

That pretty much sums it up, right? I know that I"m not many sense. Like I"ve been rambling on and on and on. You"re probably tired of reading this. I"m sure none of you would read this till the end. I wouldn"t even be surprised that you stopped reading at the first paragraph. I would.

Okay starting from now, I"ll be serious. So this story that I"m going to tell right now happened a long time ago. It"s been almost two months since that time. I think It"s been two months. That or it just seems like two months but it"s actually been a month. I don"t know anymore. Time doesn"t seem to exist around me. Everything just flows right past me every day of every hour of every minute of every second. It feels like time just… stop… freeze… like everything is standing still… but it also feels like time is running so fast… So fast that it makes my head spins. Did you ever played that game? Where you walk in circles or spin on one spot, then when you stopped, everything seems to be blurry and wobbly, and you feel like you wanna throw up? Well that"s what I feel.

I liked her. I actually liked her. It"s been so long since I felt like that. Well… not THAT long but I truly felt like I had a chance. A chance to start something. A chance to have something. A chance for anything basically. I guess that"s just not the case anymore.

Well, long story short, things just didn"t work out the way I wanted. Things just happened I guess. But we"re still friends. At least I think we"re still friends. Although… she does seem withdrawn when I"m talking with her. Maybe she feels uncomfortable when I talk to her. Or that I spit when I"m talking. It could be both. I don"t know.

Sigh… At last. I finally finish my story. Didn"t think I would. Anyway, just to clarify, I"m not angry at her or that I hate her. Just that I"m sad. I just felt that if I didn"t write about this, I don"t think I write about anything else. Maybe now, I can finally start anew. But this is all in the past. So… Hahahaha I really can"t believe it"s been almost two months. Wow…

OK I guess that's all. For now anyway. Since I"m finished with this, I have to start writing more. Got a lot more where that came from. Whatever THAT may be. Hehe I know. Not making sense again. Sigh… See ya!

So…..

Like I said, it has been awhile since I last post something on my blog.

How long was it? About a month? Yeah, a month. At least. Maybe. Give or take. I don't really know.

Heh just to show how long it has been if I can't even remember it. Sigh… A lot has happened since the last time I posted. A lot of things. A lot.

If you haven't realized it yet, I'm trying to stall here. I really don't feel like writing right. I'm afraid to write something b'coz I might just say the wrong things to the wrong people. I'm afraid to write anything b'coz I don't want to write the things in my life that I considered unreal, while in fact, there are. Real.

Basically I'm just don't want to write. So I could still cling to that tiny slit of hope of escaping the inescapable outcome. Evading the vice grasp of cruel inevitable reality. But alas, write I must. It's the only thing that can make me forget the things I held strong in my mind. The only thing that can help me let go of the past.

Even if it hurts in forgetting. Even if it hurts letting go. Write, I must do, I will do, until it is complete. (dramatic enough?)

So my life… Sigh… what can I say about my life? My life is like history. It's like a fucking mess. No, not 'like'. It 'is' a fucking mess. Just like history. It's just one fucking thing after another.

I don't know why it's been like this. Maybe I just haven't been paying much attention how I live my life. I've been taking everything for granted. Take it without questioning. Leave it without reasons. Maybe I thought everything would always stay the same. Always. That nothing could change anything. Well, time is a cruel adversary. He gives you priceless memories for awhile but takes them away forever.

Hell where did I went wrong? Everything have gone downhill from back then. Well it feels like that to me anyway. J just didn't notice it yet. Maybe I didn't want to notice it. Maybe I chose to ignore it than acknowledge. If I did, perhaps I wouldn't feel as bad as I feel right now.

It's like everything I know have been turned upside-down and inside-out. Or which way whichever. I'm not even making any sense. Sigh.

It's a fucking mess. My friends are leaving me. Even the one and only person I thought I liked, in a long time, totally think nothing of me…

Other than that, my life seems . . . dandy. Yup, it's 'dandy'.

Sigh. Since this is in writing, you wouldn't be able to see me shaking my head, which by the way I'm doing right now. It's nice. Looking back how much a disappointment you are in your own eyes. You should try it sometimes. Note the semi-sarcastic remark.

Silence…..

Fine. Ha ha ha. I know I'm not funny. Move along.

So what else do I need to let out…right, maybe I should start by explaining why my life is such a fucking mess. (Note : I know I don't usually words like 'fuck' but I'm a lil pissed off right now so I don't really give a shit. So let me have this chance to convey my feelings.)

Yeah so…*nervous laugh*

My friends are leaving, so that'll be good. Ok, maybe I should rephrase that. My friends are "leaving" the school to "go" to "another school". Some of my friends anyway. Some didn't like some of the curriculum so they decided to transfer. Others were given some kind of scholarships they have to go since they are so smart for their own good. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said. I should be congratulating and wishing them luck instead of bitching about it. Now I'm going to be alone. Once again. Yeah I would still retain some of my old friends but it wouldn't be the same, you know? We've all been together for so long. Well if I'm getting this emotional, perhaps we've been together 'too' long. Heh.

I know we would eventually go our separate ways but it's just too soon. Too soon to say goodbye. Too soon to accept them going. I know we wouldn't see each other every morning of each day of our lives but it's just too soon. I really don't want them to go, to be honest. I want them to stay. But it's for their future, I know that, so I really can't say anything. It's not my place. I want them to stay. All of them. Heh maybe I'm just a fat spoiled brat, acting like this.

The times we spent together in the past. There were a lot of fun things we did. But there were a lot of bad things too. There've been a lot of bad things happening now too. It's like things are not like it's used to be. Damn it . . . this wasn't meant to be an 'emo' confession type of post. *shudders* I really hate myself.

This sucks. I can't even stay mad without getting all emo-like. Well, that's human for you. Always get emotional over the slightest changes. Or maybe that's just me?

Anyway, I don't want them to go yet. Not now. Sure, I would still have our memories but I still want them here in person. So we can have more memories to come. I know, that sounds really lame and corny and stupid but that's how I feel. I will miss my friends. So if you guys are reading this, I hope you know how much I will miss you guys. And that I would probably never speak to you guys again if you go. Haha joking. Obviously. But it's not too far from the truth you know. The only way we would communicate is through MSN, which we would not technically talk. Except if we use microphones.

Anyway, seriously, I will miss you guys, wish you the best of luck and I hope we will meet again. Someday. Someday when all of us are a lil bit older, and maybe a lil wiser, leading our own lives and maybe, just maybe, we could be like what we used to be. Friends. Everlasting friends. Forever friends. Good friends. Well, I guess that's it for now. This is still part one of the story, so keep checking back, k?

See ya.

Jim.