At least not for now anyway . . . 

I would still continue I guess . . . But not now. 

I just feel really tired and sick and pretty much neglected these days. 

It's feels like no one is listening to me anymore. It's like . . . I don't know. Like I . . . don't exist anymore. 

I know I sound like I'm exaggerating but that's how I feel. 

No matter how much I tried . . .

No matter how much struggled . . . 

No matter how much I talked, listened, waited, screamed, cried . . . 

My life doesn't have an impact on anyone anymore. Not like it used to.

My friends are moving on. My family is moving on. I'm the only one who's still . . . here. 

Well, not 'here' here . . . 

It's just . . . It feels like I'm still stuck where I began in the first place. 

My every conversations. With my friends. With my family. With ANYONE for that matter. 

Every word that come out of my mouth. Or the words that flows from my fingers. 

It all seems like it's 'forced'. Everything seems like so unreal to me these last few weeks. 

My words are beginning to sound more and more like lies each and every day. I'm feel like I'm fooling myself. And everyone that I know. 

Heh . . . makes me wonder if I had ANY impact on other people's lives. 

Day by day, me . . . the real true me . . . is starting to feel like it's gone. Gone with the wind, some would say. I don't know. 

What I do know is that I'm not the same person . . . as I was before I started to go to my current school. 

I'm not saying that my new school is a bad place or anything. It's a good place. I met a lot of new people and even made some new friends along the way. It's just . . . I'm . . . 

Like I said before, I'm still stuck to the old place. The beginning. Although it's been almost a year but I'm still stuck with my old mindset. The mindset of a ten-year-old.

No. Even ten-year-olds are better than me. I'm so laid back to the point of being lazy. 

I was lazy back then. Now I'm even worse. Totally not myself anymore. 

Anyway I'm getting off track here. Haha . . .

I just re-read from the beginning of this post. And I just realised how . . . 'good' of a person I really am. Heh Yeah i know . . . I don't even understand that sentence there . . . 

So anyway . . . I'm trying to be the one who I used to be. To do that, I need to find my old self. AND to do that . . . I need to stop this for awhile. To give me time to look for myself.

LOL it's not like I'm going anywhere on some kind of soul searching journey to the ends of the world or anything like that. I would still be in Brunei, obviously. 

But how I wish I could go on a soul searching journey . . . There's alot of places that I want to go. The place I wanna go is Ireland. I think it's a beautiful place. I hope I can go there someday.

Actually I am going to have a journey. A journey to find myself. And to better understand this world we live in. I plan to go after college. I'm serious. I always wanted to go so why not right?

So anyway, I'm gonna stop this blog here for awhile. So no new post at least for the next few months. I would still post something by end of today or tomorrow. My ending so to speak. Don't worry. I'm just gona post pics. No words. Well, maybe a few words lol. 

I guess that's it. It's been a blast writing things down here. No matter how brief. Besides I usually don't update like everyday of the week anyway so it wouldn't really make a difference. It's not like anybody likes to read my blog so . . . 

Haha yeah . . . I guess that's it then. Another post to go. Bye. 

[Sorry if I'm not making any sense. I'm just ranting right now.]