I don’t know why I still feel this way. But I do.
I thought I was gonna be okay. But I’m not.
I thought things were going to be different this time around. But I guess it didn’t.

I guess it wasn’t the right time. I guess it wasn’t fate. I guess it wasn’t meant to be.
Nothing is, I guess.

Get over it man!

You’ll find someone. Don’t give up just because of this. You’re still young. You still have a long road ahead of you.
Keep your chin up. And don’t give up.
Move on. Move on. Move on  until you find your special one.

Easier sad than done, right? *weak smile*

This was one of the few songs I really like last year. The lyrics speak true to how I feel.
I found it about 5 minutes ago while I was browsing through my music folder.
Listening to it really hit home. 

It made me remember how I felt last year. And how I feel right now.

Now, I can’t stop listening to it.

Water keeps on flowing. With nothing to hold them back. Try hard as I may, they still fall.

I know I’ll get over it. Eventually.
I just hope I’ll get over it soon.

Here’s the lyrics to the song.
‘Broken Strings’ by James Morrison feat. Nelly Furtado.

Let me hold you 

For the last time 

It’s the last chance to feel again 

But you broke me 

Now I can’t feel anything

When I love you 

It’s so untrue 

I can’t even convince myself 

When I’m speaking 

It’s the voice of someone else

Oh it tears me up 

I tried to hold but it hurts too much 

I tried to forgive but it’s not enough 

To make it all okay

You can’t play on broken strings 

You can’t feel anything 

That your heart don’t want to feel 

I can’t tell you something that ain’t real

Oh the truth hurts 

A lie is worse 

I can’t like it anymore 

And I love you a little less than before

Oh what are we doing 

We are turning into dust 

Playing house in the ruins of us

Running back through the fire 

When there’s nothing left to save 

It’s like chasing the very last train 

When it’s too late

Oh it tears me up 

I tried to hold but it hurts too much 

I tried to forgive but it’s not enough 

To make it all okay

You can’t play our broken strings 

You can’t feel anything 

That your heart don’t want to feel 

I can’t tell you something that ain’t real

Oh the truth hurts 

And lies worse 

I can’t like it anymore 

And I love you a little less than before

But we’re running through the fire 

When there’s nothing left to say 

It’s like chasing the very last train 

When we both know it’s too late

You can’t play our broken strings 

You can’t feel anything 

That your heart don’t want to feel 

I can’t tell you something that ain’t real

Oh the truth hurts 

And lies worse 

I can’t like it anymore 

And I love you a little less than before 

Oh and I love you a little less than before

Let me hold you for the last time 

It’s the last change to feel again

I just hope I’ll be okay.

Labels: broken, emo, love

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Okay hey guys. I woke up late today. And I was crying. Like really really crying. I dunno what or why I cried. 
Haha nah... maybe my allergies were acting up again. I was kinda worried though.
My eyes were like all red and puffy. Kinda freaked me out, looking at a mirror yeh?
Anyway I'm okay now. No more crying. Yeah...

So I was supposed to post this up yesterday but as usual…
The connection. Don’t get me started on that.

Anyway, what happened yesterday.
No. I’m asking you. What happened yesterday?
Coz I don’t remember a thing.

Okay that’s a joke. A joke, people. Laugh!

Okay. Lame. And random. Sigh.

Okay so I didn’t do much yesterday except watch movies, read my Pendragon book, and… listening again to the Slumdog Millionaire.
I really like the soundtrack in that movie. Very moving. Xp

Anyway… so Miji came yesterday. Yeah so he helped me with my ‘little problem’.
Hahaha thanks Miji. That means alot. I owe you. Oh and thanks for the stories. I didn’t know.
I’m still trying to wrap my head on that. Hahaha I need proof, Miji.

So yea. Here’s some of the pictures we took yesterday. And this marks the first time I posted pictures on this new layout and I hope it goes well. Lol

Anyway enjoy them guys. And see you guys. Xp

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Okay so I’m having a bit of a blackout crisis right now. And I was just starting to enjoy my nap.  

It was still early. About 6++pm and I was on my bed. With my lappy playing one of my current favorite song in the playground.  

Wait. WTH. Playground?? *in the background. Hahah Sorry. That was weird. I’m too lazy to press backspace button. Adds a bit of humour there.  

Lol again lame attempt to be funny. Sorry.  

Anyway…
So since it’s a blackout, and I don’t have anything better to do. So I’m gonna take this chance to tell you guys what I did yesterday.  

I was really really happy yesterday. I dunno why.
Maybe it was because of the mocha chocolate freez with extra extra whipped cream and milo dustings on top I had.
Or maybe it was because of something else??  

Anyway I went to Miri yesterday with my sisters. Actually I didn’t to go since I was really down and tired because of what happened the night before.
But try and try and try as I may, something compelled me to carry my big butt out of my bed, into the shower, into my really pink shirt lol and into my sis car.
I dunno what compelled me to do those things. But I sure am grateful. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be as happy as I would last night. Xp  

Okay so we went to alot of different places. Well… not alot. The stores were the usual places we always go to everytime we go to Miri.  

Anyway, at Miri, at one or more of the usual stores we went to yesterday, I bought four things.
Four things that I have been looking for weeks. Months. I finally found them. Wohoo~ haha Well actually it’s three things. One is more of a bonus kinda thing. Lol 

Okay first things first. the 1st item.
Drum rolls plz~  

Aaaaaaaaaand my lappy just went dead. Haha the battery is dead. Lol
Due to excessive used and the blackout, resulting in very low battery life. Sigh.

Oh well, anyway sorry I couldn’t post anything up last night.
Obviously, the blackout was last night and I’m continuing this post today at freaking 5 in the morning.

I think the power went on like 45 mins later last night *correct me if I’m wrong*
I slept early last night. About 9pm so-so. Not sure.
I couldn’t even check my hp for the time. That thing died on me too.
Can’t charged. No electricity. Damn…

Anyway back to the long-lost-items-that-I’ve-been-looking-for thing…
Drum rolls plz~
majal… Sigh…

So the first item.
I know this is going to sound so lame but… I just found, bought, watched, and listened to repeatedly the new Westlife Croke Park Concert DVD.
Haha lame isn’t it?

But it’s true.
I’ve been a Westlife fan since I don’t know when. Maybe it’s because of their song "’Flying Without Wings” that got me so hooked. It was most definitely the first English song I’ve ever heard and/or understand that I could remember. The song was released in 1999 so that makes me… 8 years old?

Haha yea.

Anyway I was looking for this DVD for so long. It marks the 10 year anniversary of Westlife. I mean it’s been 10 years?? That’s a long time man. I wish you Westlife guys the best of luck and another 10 years of success. Xp

Okay the next one, the 2nd item.
Drum rolls plz~
banar tah… majal kn drum drum sja. haha

I just bought the new Pendragon: Before the War book. Hahah it’s amazing man. I finally found the book at Miri after so long. Xp

If you’re not familiar with this series, you get out there and buy a copy of Pendragon: Merchant Death. It’s a must read guys.

This book I just bought is like a spin-off of the original series. It tells the stories the lives  of the other travelers before they met Bobby Pendragon. This particular book, which is the first book of the Before the War series, tells the stories of Kasha, the leopard traveler from Eelong, Gunny, the Bell Captain from First Earth and finally Spader, the aquaneer from Cloral.
This book will explain the lives of these travelers before they met Pendragon. How their lives used to be. And did it turned from the better or for the worst.

Okay the next one, the 3rd item.
Well… to be honest, didn’t really like search for this as much as the other three but it is still a good find. It’s a piano tutorial book. Teaches how to play the piano and stuffs. It even came with a DVD so I guess that’d help a lot when I learn.

Hehe yeah I’ve always wanted to learn how to play the piano since I was a kid but never got to learn how. Over the years I’ve been teaching myself how to play by reading online lessons, following tutorial vids at youtube, all those stuffs. But I lack the motivation to pursue the piano.

The piano is not that hard to learn. All you need is a clear understanding of the keys and chords and music pieces and learn how to blend all those into one.
Haha stahu ku ah. But basically that’s how I see it.

Okay last one. The 4th item.
Piano keys plz~ Xp

umm… Let it be a secret…
Esehh hehe Xp

Okay this post is becoming a bit too long for my taste so yea gona stop here for now.
Thanks guys for listening to my post blackout ramblings. See ya guys Xp

Labels: blackout, four things, night

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Okay here goes. Hey guys. It’s been awhile. I’m sorry. Been busy juggling between  my school and social lives. Or lack of it.

So how long has it been? A week?
More or less yeh? Sorry for the lack of updates people.
Like I said before, been busy. Been lazy. When I did wanted to post something up, my internet connection can be a bit bitchy sometimes.

Haha yeah lame, I know… Sigh. X) 

Okay so… The week I’ve been ‘away’ – which was last week? This week? Whatever…

There wasn’t anything much happening. The usual I guess. Wake up at 5am. Shower. School. Sleep.

Blah blah blah…

I mean I do have updates.

Cool updates.

But… just not the things that are worth to blog about. Besides I don’t to bore you guys with the details right?

Okay my life has been turn. For the better. And for the worse. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing but I do like the change. My life has been totally turned upside down since my last post.

Since my juniors started school last week, I met new and interesting people. I made great friends. With the new batch and my batch. So I guess that’s an upside.

But…
Yeah there’s a but…

I just found that some of my friends are… less of a friend.

I guess they just pretended to be my friends? I don’t know.

I don’t mind actually. Don’t get me wrong. I am a bit taken aback by this fact. But I don’t really care about it. Not anymore anyway. I stopped caring about anything along time ago. Fake friends are friends too. Even if they are fake…

Lol emo… 

I’m not talking about you guys of course. You guys are fabulous. You guys are always here when I needed someone to talk to. I thank you guys for that.

Well… unless of course some of you guys felt offended by this in any way. Then you’re probably one of those fake friends.

DJim: Hey my very good friend!!
*sarcastic* Sorry Xp

Anyway…
let’’s talk about something else. 
Umm…

So I’ve changed my layout again. Woohooo~
hahaha lambat… 

With every new layout I seek, I’m looking for a new path in my life.

With every new layout I find, I’m hoping for a new beginning.  

With every new layout I used, I’m starting a new life. 

Esehhh jiwang jua… Lol Anyway I hope it’s not that hard to navigate through. It took me awhile to rearrange all the stuffs here. And I’m still not happy with it. Sigh.

Okay that’s it for now. Gonna post something up by tonight. 
Promise.

See ya guys. Remember, you guys are fabulous. Hahaha sigh…

Labels: emo, friends, new, update

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Malas ku kn reupload di sini lagi.

For you guys yang mau liat the pix from the orientation for the junior batch ‘09
just go here. Pandai pandai tah kmu mencari di sana.
I’m really not in the mood anymore.

Just when I thought today was going to be awesome and everything…
Shit like that happened. Entah eh. Sasakku dh.

I only updated now sebab ku janji ku post the pictures.
Besides that, nada ku update hari ne.

Fuck! Bh mental ku lagi karang. That’s all.

Labels: orientation, pictures, school

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I know I don’t have to double post for this week.
But I felt obliged to do this since my last post was kind of short and stuffs.
So yeah here’s another poem I found awhile back as well.

                                                                                      

trust in me
cause i know the pain

trust in me
cause i know the cold nights

trust in me
cause i know the loneliness

trust in me
cause i know my heart

trust in me
cause i know my soul

trust in me
cause i know what i give

trust in me
cause i know who i am

trust in me
cause i know what i want

trust in me
cause i know i can trust you

                                                                                      

The reason I’m posting this one now is because…
I don’t know why. I guess I’m feeling a bit emo right now. Heh.

Yeah. The topic for this one is trust.
I used to felt that I couldn’t trust anyone.
Not my family. Not my friends. Not anyone.

I always felt that if I told someone about my secrets,
that he/she will spread my secrets to everyone else.
That I would regret it for the rest of my life.

I know what you’re probably thinking right now.
That it is stupid to shut it all in just because of a stupid paranoia.

But I have to tell you now.
That it is not stupid.
It is being cautious. Being careful.

I once told a secret to a very close friend.
My friend kept it just like they said they would.
But then… things changed.

Everything changed. Me. My friend. Everything just… fell apart between us.
I didn’t know how but I do have the feeling I know why.

There are things that I’ve done in the past that I’m not proud of.
The times when I considered myself weak.
Things that I am ashamed to admit.

And I told them to someone.
Someone I trust.
Someone I trusted.

I guess it’s normal for me, for anyone basically, to have this kind of feeling.
The feeling of mistrust.
The feeling of betrayal.
The feeling of being banished.

Anyway I think I’m getting too deep into this.
I really should stop doing that. Hehe yea…

Anyway I guess that’s it. I’ll post something upbeat by today.
And when I say today, I mean today today.
It’s already past midnight. Going to sleep guys.

See ya next time Xp Bye.

…m(‘ … ‘)m…

Labels: emo, friday, friend, trust

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I’m really tired and I really really need to get some sleep.
Thankfully there weren’t any hw (I think)

I’m not really emo this week. Alot of fun things happened so…
That pretty much kept me from being ‘too’ emo for awhile.

Alot of things happened this week. Mostly about the juniors entering the school.
No more PS at the canteen. No more walking in the hallways comfortably.
No more lazying about without juniors watching.

Sigh it’s hard being a senior…

Anyway I guess I’m just gona stop here for Emo Friday this week.
I’ll you guys with this poem I found on the internet awhile back.

Obviously I was emo at the time. I mean I was looking for a poem like this.

Anyway hope you read it and understand the meaning behind it.

It’s a simple poem but it speaks the truth and straight to the point.
Bear in mind, I ‘used’ to feel like this awhile back.
I think it was last year that we… when this happened…
Yeah at least the ‘thing’ that made me feel this way is over now.
Me and my friend has somewhat made peace with it.

At least I think we did. Oh well. Read on and I bid you guys goodbye Xp

----------------------------------------------------------------

You have got every reason to hate me
You must open your eyes and then you will to see
Hate me for the way I have talked
The way I irritated you when I laughed

I had been the reason to bring you those tear
I wasn't there for you whenever you felt fear
Hate for the way I made you cry
for those moments when I tried to lie

Hate me for the time I was not around
Hate me for making those weird sound
Hate me for the way I had abandoned you
What happened between us was nothing new

Hate me for the way I made you feel
I’m not the person who brings you zeal
Hate me for my being so bad
Without any fault I made you feel sad

Hate me for being so selfish at the time
The way I put the phone when you said the fault was mine
Hate me for being so careless
The way I bring everything to a mess

Hate me for being so late
Hate me coz I never cared for you on that date
Hate me for whatever I am
I’m surely not the one you call a gem

Hate me for whatever reason you want
I'll give you the reason for the hate you want

----------------------------------------------------------------

The english is simple, like I said. But I like it.
A lil lame. I know. X)

If anyone felt offended by this, please don’t.
Coz it’s probably not you guys.
I doubt my ‘friend’ knows that I have this blog so yea…

Anyway that’s it for Emo Friday this week. Sorry for the long wait.
See ya guys *weak smile*

…m(‘ … ‘)m…

Labels: emo, friday, hate, school

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